I have a joke with my friends that I am a words gal living in a numbers world. I always wrote as a child; having notebooks, diaries, journals for every occasion. I never considered myself a writer until I got paid for it. And even when getting paid for it, it wasn’t something that came naturally to me. I have to sit down and be in the zone to write. Sometimes this consists of grabbing pen and writing for hours on just a random thought but most of the time it is days or weeks of putting off writing until I force myself take action. Writing is not my career, although I would love it to be. I seldom feel like sharing my writing with people. It could be a fear of rejection but I think what stops me most often is that I do not think people will give a shit about what I have to say. I am just a random twenty something from San Diego, what could I possibly give to the world that it hasn’t already seen? I’ll read a book or watch a movie and I do not think I could ever make that type of cohesive product.
So why am I a words gal in a numbers world? By trade I am an accountant. All day long, I am working with numbers. With numbers there are formulas, a number you are trying to reach, unlike words where you can decide where they want to go whether you follow a formula or not. This is why I struggle with keeping this blog active. When I got paid for writing, I wrote articles. My only originality was trying to figure out a different way to say something thousands of news sources across the country already said. With this blog I have the freedom to do whatever I want and sometimes that means nothing. It is almost overwhelming to try to bring the jumble ideas that goes on in my heads to paper (or screen). Other blogs have a niche like entertainment, fashion or fitness that appeals to the public and I guess I haven’t found my niche yet. Hopefully I find it soon because I imagined this blog to be where I am able to write freely and how I want to write.
And because I got all deep and emotional on this, I will leave you with a clip of my performance at the San Diego fair this past June: