For years I have been searching for a back scratcher. It seems like a normal request but I always have to make things difficult. I couldn’t just have any back scratcher, I had to have a back scratcher shaped like a naked lady. My fascination with this type of back scratcher started when I was in my teens and my father accused me of stealing his. Per the usual split parent arrangement, I went to my Dad’s house every other weekend. One night I believe he misplaced his and he assumed I stole it. He had obviously had a bit to drink and called me up opening with the line, “Did you steal my naked lady back scratcher?”

I had no idea what he was talking about. In fact, I remember laughing really hard thinking he was full on drunk instead of just tipsy and accusatory. A few quick trips to google and eBay and I found out that back scratchers shaped like naked ladies were an actual thing.

I spent the next several years trying to find one in novelty stores like Spencer’s. When that failed I turned my search to eBay and tried my hardest to out bid those perverts but my efforts were always thwarted. Seriously, the back scratcher would be around 78 cents (there’s no cent sign on an iPhone?) yet shipping would be $15! Outrageous.

All hope was lost. I resorted to hair brushes and door frames. I once took some suggestions from a Facebook post which included a Pasta Fork.

Little did I know that a trip up a mountain was going to change my life. I went to Palm Springs with my sister this weekend and we took the Air Tram to Mt. San Jacinto. It was very beautiful and refreshing due to the fact it was 110 degrees (also no degree sign on an iPhone?). In an unsuspecting gift shop amongst an assortment of racially motivated native gifts and camping gear, I found the best invention ever. The bear claw.

It is a retractable back scratcher that has exceeded my previous devotion to the naked lady back scratcher and has diluted the bitter taste of regret left over from eBay.

Happy Scratchings!