Well. I didn’t mean to be gone for two months–it just seemed to fly by. This post will not be light nor will it be concise but I’ve got some old news, good news and random stuff to fill it out.

What is this? (Please disregard the water stains)

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Yesterday was exactly one month before my birthday. Does anyone else start acting like a major bitch around their birthday? I do. It is not even that I am getting older (25 is still pretty young) but I feel like there is a lot of anticipation for, well, nothing. It reminds me of a christmas gift I got when i was about 16. When my sister moved out of her dorm and into her own apartment she gave me my first tv. It was the kind that had a built-in VHS! I thought it was the coolest thing ever but looking back I do see that it was already old by the time I got it and had a scratch on the screen…but who cared right? I had my own t.v. and didn’t have to bother anyone with the obsessive amount of Law and Order I used to watch. Less than a few months after I got it my mom and sister were beside themselves with “how amazing” my christmas gift was going to be. I swear I heard my sister say “I wish I was getting one of these.” I am not really sure what I thought it was going to be but I could not have been farther from reality.

Christmas day came and there was a big box with my name on it. In my family we always start with stockings, do the little gifts and then save the biggest (whether in size or monetary value) for last. I was so excited and I could not wait to tear it open.

Disclaimer: I threw a fit.

I can not explain to you the disappointment I felt in that moment. I didn’t want a T.V. and I didn’t need a T.V. I thought I was getting the best gift I had ever gotten and I got something I already had. I cried, begged for a receipt and I’m pretty sure hurt both my mom and sister’s feelings. The worst thing is that I still never came around to that T.V. and I still get a little pissed about it. I know it sounds really ungrateful but I didn’t understand why I needed something when I had one that I did not want to get rid of. Two years ago for Christmas I got a new T.V.and it was a relief! I was so happy, I just about broke the old one but I kept it around for if I ever needed it..

So that’s how I view my birthday. There is a huge box waiting for me but when I open it, I already have it. Besides the gifts, there is nothing to really celebrate and it makes me cranky. I feel like so many people put an emphasis on it being special that it is hard to settle with it being just a normal day. At least on federal recognized holidays there are other people to share nothing with. My birthday skipped the weekend because of leap year a couple of years ago so it feels like my birthday always falls on the weekday and well, I just don’t like it.

So here’s to being cranky.