I complain about work to anyone who will listen. I try not to do it publicly or on social media but sometimes I can’t resist. However, this is not a rant about my work specifically, this is about work in general. Things that I have experienced at more than one workplace or things that just piss me off in general.

5) Overly Peppy Morning People

I classify myself as a morning person. I have more motivation and energy in the morning and am generally more pleasant in the beginning of the day but that doesn’t mean I want to share it with you. My first real job was at Starbucks and I had to greet people starting at 5:30 am. Most people are in a rush or on their way to work so you can be polite and pleasant without being obnoxious. But then you have the customers I called the cheerleaders. The type of people who speak 3 or 4 decibels higher than everyone else and pronounce “Hi” with 2 syllables. The type of people I would purposely give decaf to. What these people don’t understand is that at 5:30 am, it sounds like you are yelling at me. At my current workplace, I do not work in customer service and yet I still manage to bump into overly peppy people. Even old men at work act like they are pooping out Lucky Charms for breakfast. If the time starts with a single digit, assume I do not want to talk to you.

4) Reply All/Forward Email Chains

People need to get their email threads together. It is so frustrating to be waiting on a response or course of action from someone to only find out they replied to the thread but did not hit reply all. This has created so many timelines of some emails and people will contradict each other and it gets so confusing. I am not CC-ing folks for fun, I include them because they need to see. If you are concerned about someone maybe being BCC-ed, then forward the email and copy & paste over the original contacts. It literally is that simple. On the other hand, please do not forward emails without verifying that the person is authorized to see all the information in the thread. I have had instances where people have made choice words about certain individuals only to have the thread passed on to that person later on. I have said things about something (in my defense it was harsh but true) and someone forwarded it to that person accidentally because the email had mutated into a discussion about something else entirely. Please be mindful of when you should use reply all and forward.

3) People who act like they don’t want to hear your personal life but always bring up their own life

I am going to be real honest, I really don’t care about your life. I don’t care about your baseball team or your friend’s wedding. If we are having a reciprocal conversation and things come up, then I am totally cool with it. But I hate those coworkers that are almost the opposite of nosey. The one’s who will ask you about your day but actually will be wanting to tell you about their day. They come and ask veiled questions like, “What should I name my baseball team?” or “Where should I eat lunch?” Since none of those things involve me, I don’t really give a shit. You are asking me questions to really offer up something about yourself so we I ask about it. Unfortunately, I don’t come to work to name your baseball team. Also–unless you are inviting me to lunch or offering me lunch, why do I care what you are eating? I know some people will read this and think that they are just making conversation. But the thing is, I spend almost every waking hour with these people and I can tell who is interested in a conversation and who wants to talk about themselves. I will admit I can talk your head off and sometimes I will be candid about my personal life but I only offer that to people who want to hear it and are interested in sharing back. A lot of these people also fall into #5 and are overly peppy about their pitiful lives.

2) Hygiene Problems

I didn’t realize how many people don’t wash their hands after using the restroom or blowing their nose or even sneezing. At least use hand sanitizer or keep wipes at your desk but some folks are nasties. I still do not understand how women miss the toilet. Is your vagina tilted upward? Is there some award you get by shooting piss three feet away? Why did you put a booger on the bathroom stall wall when there is toilet paper right there? Why can’t you flush? Why did you come to my upstairs bathroom that only has 2 stalls and only 5 woman use and shit instead of using the toilet right next to you downstairs that has 4 stalls? But seriously, why don’t you wash your hands? I honestly did not think women were this gross. From what I heard from some of the men at my company, the men’s restroom is just as bad. I wouldn’t know but one of the guys said, you wouldn’t believe how many men drop full trouser and just shake it and leave without washing their hands. Also–I sit right next to the men’s head so I can hear when people flush and just walk out without washing hands. It is so gross at the workplace! I will never eat anything prepared by these nasties at my work ever again.

1) Speaker Phone

I HATE SPEAKER PHONES.  So much. There are some folks in my office who will have 2-3 hour conversations on the speaker phone and when you sit in a cubicle, you can hear everything. I mean, I have heard guys at work talk about how they use their iPads for porn because their wives don’t know how to use it. I have overheard confidential information. I have overheard pointless information. But mainly I have to listen to a loud ass conversation. There is one guy who sits a few offices across from my cubicle and he will be on the speaker phone for so long I can’t stand it. I have to put on headphones because the conversation is almost invading my privacy. If you really need to be that hands free, we can get you a headset. And mind you we work on computers, so it’s not like he can’t hold the phone and type. They just want more freedom and their freedom infringes upon my freedom and this is America dammit. I should be able to do my work without hearing other people loud conversations.

I know some of you have your own work pet peeves, please share in the comments!